40 Things Not To Do Again - dedicated to Ryan

1. swim across a shark-infested channel with a hunk of raw tuna (stingray food) tucked in my bathing suit
2. hitchhike in Mexico with a blond girl
3. open a tent A) when there are millions of mosquitoes outside, even when it's really hot, or B) when it may downpour all afternoon while I ride a boat...
4. agree to a meeting time and place for the following day with drunk sheep shearers
5. place a faultily-sealed lemon-liqueur bottle in my suitcase
6. swear to the check-in counter, near tears and in great distress, that I can't find my return ticket, while the round-trip ticket is sitting in front of me
7. try to bake with soda pop rather than baking soda, when the recipe calls for "soda"
8. try to bake with marshmallow-filled hot chocolate powder when the recipe calls for cocoa...
9. go for a "quick" swim while the cookies bake...
10. drink a hefty glass of cointreau after beer and wine...
11. leave my car unattended in neutral - even if only for a second - near a steep incline...
12. give my real phone number to an annoying man, even if he did buy me champagne on my birthday
13. buy an international ticket with over 2 layovers, even if it's really cheap
14. forget my bag and passport in a closing bar just before the return flight from the Czech Republic
15. wear a bikini in strong waves
16. party all night until my morning flight
17. sunbathe topless below a road with panoramic view
18. sunbathe topless on a remote dock in the middle of nowhere that may also serve as a boat stop for dozens of school children...
19. fill my water bottle downstream from what may be the carcass of a dead goat
20. hipcheck a rental car
21. jump over fences and wander through temporarily open gates at Sacré Coeur gardens during closing hours
22. wear a skirt without checking if the zip is closed
23. ask a familiar-looking man if we have met before, even if I'm sincere
24. buy a roasted chicken for a picnic if we have no fork or knife
25. dive into a pool wearing a loose bathing suit that has spent a week dehydrating in the car under the sun
26. try to cross a knee-high mud pool in order to pee behind the tree on the other side -- wearing thongs
27. remain in place while a caged lion backs up to the open cage and lifts its tail
28. emergency pee in a bed of stinging nettle
29. sleep in the airport under a then-closed check-in counter
30. agree to sleep in a tiny hut with door open to mosquitoes, full moonlight, coconut crabs and strange men...
31. let a doctor in Mexico remove my injured toenail with pliers
32. laugh at Marlon Brando's son when he mentions that Marlon Brando is his father
33. let my mother take care of the champagne purchase when she's unfamiliar with the currency exchange
34. open a drawer housing a large rat in a sure-to-fail plan to fling it out the window
35. accept to babysit two un-weaned infants...
36. play roller hockey with no tailbone protection
37. answer a call from my employer while applying sunscreen on a pleasure craft surrounded by seagulls... after having forgotten I'm supposed to be at work...
38. inform suitors that Slingblade is my favorite movie... and that the woman with me is my mom
39. decide to camp alone without reserving in an overbooked region...
40. let my brother overhear the raw tuna in bathing suit story